First Boyfriend
by Stephlin
Summary: Cho Chang realizes that Harry is more in love with her than she is with him.


**Disclaimer: We own Nothing**

Cho Chang smiled sweetly across the hall at her boyfriend, Harry Potter. They have been dating for more than 6 months now.

Harry has been my first real boyfriend. Sure I had gone out a few times with Cedric, but before Cedric and I could become anything more, he died. I was broken, I thought I was in love with him, but then that was before we could even kiss, he was gone. I didn't know what to do. There was nothing for me to do. I was emotionally unstable and I needed someone to make my life stable again. That's why when Harry asked me out that night, I was so unbelievably happy. Sure, I had liked Harry potter, everyone has had a crush on him one time or another. I was ready to put my feelings for Cedric behind me…and remember I needed stability so therefore I _needed_ Harry.

I soon found out that Harry wasn't going to help me get over Cedric. It wasn't his fault or anything, its just, well, the closer I tried to get to Harry the more often I thought of Cedric.

Now again, I didn't have all that much experience in the girlfriend area, and Harry, well everyone knows hoe Harry is. So it took us over a month to kiss, and when I say kiss, I mean a peck on the lips. Oh wait a minute; I'm getting ahead of myself. One night about two weeks after we started dating, I went to hug him goodbye and he said "just a hug" and so I knew I should kiss him and so I tried. But as I leaned in, I just couldn't do it; my mind was buzzing and couldn't figure out which way to turn my head.

Now you might not think that it's all that big of a deal which way to turn your head. But remember I wanted my first kiss to be perfect. So I ended up freaking out. I just couldn't kiss him. So Harry didn't mention kissing for a long time after that and the next time he did. It wasn't a perfect, but your first kiss never is, I've learned. It was awkward and but in a way it was amazing. Our first kiss, made me believe that I could actually fall in love Harry.

Everyone thought we were cute together. I thought we were cute together. And everything went well for two or three months. But then I started to get doubts. I never wanted t hang out with Harry anymore. And I had no idea why because whenever we sis hang out I had fun, I was more comfortable around Harry than anyone else.

Until, the one night around our four month anniversary. We we're laying down next to the lake. Just staring at the blue sky. It was all peaceful and comfortable. And then he leaned over and forced his tongue into my mouth. After a few seconds, I pulled away. By then I was shaking uncontrollably. I didn't want to do this, and my head just wouldn't let things happen. You know hoe everyone says you just have to let things happen, well, I've never been good at that.

So I messed everything up, like I always do. I didn't like it; I don't know where everyone finds pleasure in snogging. It felt gross, and you're supposed to like it isn't you, because I just didn't.

Anyways that was about two months ago. I really must of scared Harry, because he hasn't tried again. Or even mention it. Sometimes even forget that it has happened.

Harry, well, he's not s big talker and well neither am I. So our conversations are about nothing important. We gossip about people, and we talk about classes. Not about feelings or anything.

Last night Harry told me that holding hands isn't enough for him. That he wants more out of this relationship. That he's been really having a hard time lately with the boy who lived thing. I had no idea what I was supposed to say to that. He said he was tired of all the pressure Dumbledore has been putting on him. Lately, Harry and the headmaster have not been getting along that well. Dumbledore has been trying to take over his life. He even banned Harry from playing quidditch because it's too dangerous to risk his life on, and that he has to save the world, he can't risk his life on a stupid game.

Well you see Harry's life is his quidditch and well, me. Since we've been dating Harry sort of grew apart from Ron and Hermione. Especially when they started dating. Its just Harry was busy with me and they were busy with each other.

And Dumbledore takes quidditch away from him, so that leaves me. The only good thing in his life.

Meanwhile, my feelings for Harry have been sort of rocky. I just don't want to be with him anymore.

But if I broke up with him, it would crush him completely. It would kill him. I would kill him.

And that leaves us here, me trying to forget my feelings and accept my fate.

So I smile at Harry from across the hallway. Trying to make up my mind. Do my feelings for Harry really matter? Harry is in love with me. I should try to love him back. So here I am, trapped in this relationship. I'm just so trapped. There's nothing for me to do so I'll do nothing.

**A few weeks later**

I cry myself to sleep now, almost every night. I'm trying to make my head and my heart make any sort of sense. And I've decided I can't live this way and I have to do the one thing I dred the most. Break up with Harry potter. I'm sure most girls wont understand, it's just I'm not in love with him and it's not fair to him, that I keep leading him on. I have to do what I have to do.

The next day – I broke up with Harry potter, and I'm relived. I fell horrible that I should be in fault happy right known but I am. Harry looked so sad; he looked like I had just stabbed him in the heart. I can't get his face out of my mind, just knowing that I did that to him. But at the same time my head feels lighter.

I'm not too worried about him. Because I say Ginny Weasley try to comfort him. And after dinner, she pulled him into a broom closet with her. Harry will get from her what I could never give him.

So Harry potter was my fist boyfriend. But I guess that's why we have first boyfriends, so we can also have seconds and thirds.


End file.
